outta my mind

hohoho... i am outta my mind last night... wow i cant believe i did this kinda things... is love so important to me wow... but no matter how much i do how badly i did... i dun think she thinks is nice... no matter how i struggle how much i care and love... maybe this relationship couldn't hang on anymore... but why am i still doing this why don't i just give up let it go why why why??? i feel like cause is also very hard... things are just not gonna make sense to me anymore why??? why couldn't she just step out and talk to me am i that scary??? am i??? i think is a yes... but why must i do all this things... i should just let go and start new find a better girl prettier hotter... why i just can't do it... no matter how hard i try there's no use... even if i don't give up now things will get worst... so what even if i give up... why must i give up??? why can't i take this seriously and face it... and just be happy... why there's so many things to consider... damn it... why must give up why must not give up... ARGH!!!...am i that crazy for her... and why must i be crazy for her... since she don't even treat me as the special guy... the worst part is feeding my friend right infront of my eyes can pull out the meat feed piece by piece... why i couldn't do this to her... why is it so hard for me to let go... is she that important??? what if i have another girl??? and i don't love her... isn't that a poor thing... but why must i love her if she don't even love me... why is there so many unsolve things in me... and why there's nobody to share to nobody i can express to except her... why why why??? am i really crazy for love... am i really crazy??? am i really selfish??? am i really not caring, not sensible, not mature??? why must people always look down on me??? and in the end i look down at myself??? and what's make them think that they are mature??? why is the world going haywire??? is GOD STILL HERE WITH US??? is he very disappointed???  why isn't there any peace in this world??? why must i have feelings??? why is my heart not tough to face it??? why can't i just tell a girl fuck it leave it??? ARGH!!! today is good Friday??? but is so sad... why can't she just listen to me and agree with it and try to deal with it??? why must we always quarrel for the same old things??? can i just forget about her and study hard find a new girl be a successful fellow... rather than wasting my time trying to win her back, cry, jealous, in the end hatred... is there any better way to solve all this things... why do i have so many questions but none of it can answer, and nobody to ask questions... when i ask her she say stop she don't want to see me... she don't want to hear all this... who can i talk to right now... i need somebody to overcome this with me... me myself alone and i can ask myself can answer myself... there's too many... who can i run to??? anybody who who who...  life is too short... why must i waste it??? why can't i just join the gangs do bad things take drugs smoke drink in the end money still come in, die so what... why can't i just treat her just like another ordinary girl, a girl that i played and throw away, why can't i do it... why must i keep thinking of the past eight, nine months... and who the fuck cares even if i post it in the blog... who the fuck will read it... even if people reads... they will still think is nonsense another fucking emo useless guy... who the fuck am i typing all this too... will people understand me??? i don't think so... people will just think i am not calm enough i just need more time bla bla bla bla bla...  but why my heart just kept feeling not well after the break up??? it keeps dropping down... got no strength... don't feel like staying home... feel like going wild outside... but in the mean time i still got the missing feeling inside my heart... even how happy am i even i sleep whatever i do i just can't stop thinking bout her missing her... is this what is called regret... or other things??? am i going crazy??? ARGH!!! who can i run to talk to hug to cry to... who who WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO??? can anybody help me... anyone... what i need is LOVE no more... can anybody provide it to me just like what she did last time... anybody just tell me... just tell me i am willing to do anything for you...  i am willing to exchange money for love... why is love so important for me... why why why??? LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE... anybody understand... anybody... if u got the exact same feeling please find me... i need help SOS... why is breaking up so painful... ARGH ARGH!!! i want to leave this sad country... i really really do... never mind at least i learn a lesson... but no use learning a lesson from a girl you love that much... if i can start new with others... i will not take it seriously no more... what i can do now is back up leave... lost contact... delete pictures... that's it... but it can't control my mind... memories is still in it... and i will treasure it... is the most precious and treasurable moment... i can't forget about it... i love you so does she know??? ARGH JUST END HERE... don't know what to do anymore... just leave it... throw it away... be a heartless guy... but i can't... will continue more got to get ready to go to hyatt and seeks for GODS HELP... i hope i could put down my ego and cry in church and ask for help and kneel down... that's all i hope... take care bye bye